Wish I Were Here
by maybeweare
Summary: Regina wakes up after being tortured with almost all of her memories erased. Almost everyone in Storybrooke thinks it would be safest if she stayed that way, but Emma and Henry are determined to bring the real Regina back. Eventual SwanQueen.
1. Not Herself

**A/N: This starts after Snow and Charming save Regina during "Second Star to the Right." Greg and Tamara do not get their hands on the trigger and are captured, so they are no longer a threat.**

**I don't know anything about the science behind all of this, so I apologize if I'm totally inaccurate. Title taken from the song of the same name from Next to Normal.**

* * *

Regina looked up with a furrowed brow, eyes flicking from Snow to Charming and back again. There were a million questions in their brown depths, but none of them made it to Regina's cracked and dry lips. She let them help her sit up and greedily drank the offered water, still silent, ignoring her rescuers when they tried to ask how she was feeling.

It wasn't until Emma and Henry came in half an hour later that she spoke, and not immediately even then.

Emma looked almost as worn as Regina, and Henry's eyes were red from tears. "Is she okay?" she asked wearily, keeping a hand on her son's shoulder.

"She's not herself," Snow said after a pause.

"Mom!" Henry caught a glimpse of Regina's red shirt and suddenly tore away from Emma, launching himself onto the bed. She closed her arms tightly around him, resting her head against his.

"Be gentle," Snow warned, watching from a distance with Emma and Charming.

"He is," Regina said, her voice raspy after so much screaming. She reluctantly let go when Henry pulled away, watching him run up the stairs to continue grieving for the father he'd only just met. Snow and Charming followed him, leaving just Emma with Regina.

The blonde made her way over to the side of the bed, taking in the angry red blisters left by the electrodes and the bandages on Regina's wrists where she'd rubbed her skin raw against the restraints. "How are you feeling?" She shifted from one foot to the other, not sure if she should sit down beside Regina.

"Not well," Regina answered softly, studying her bandages as if she didn't know how they'd gotten there. She lifted her eyes to meet Emma's. "That boy is my son," she said, her voice going thin at the end as if she was half asking a question.

"He is," Emma conceded, resisting the urge to argue that he was her son, too.

Regina nodded, and something in her eyes seemed like permission for Emma to sit, so she did. "What's his name?"

Emma went pale at the question and the honest confusion on Regina's face. "His name is Henry," she said, forcing herself to smile as if nothing was wrong. "You don't remember?"

"No." Regina glanced around her again. "I don't remember any of this. Just that I love him."

"Do you know who you are?" Emma wanted more than anything to run, to shout for someone to help her. She had no idea what to do, and after a day full of the search for Regina, losing Neal, and having to tell Henry, all she wanted was to close her eyes and not hurt for a while.

"Regina," the brunette said, her voice much more certain than it had been. "You're Emma?"

The blonde smiled at that, tears rising in her eyes. "Yes. I'm Emma."

Regina reached forward to put her hand lightly on top of Emma's. "I remember you."

* * *

"The damage is pretty extensive," Dr. Whale said, holding up a picture of some sort of scan. Emma wasn't looking, her gaze fixed on the hospital bed on the other side of the window where Henry and Regina sat side-by-side, Henry's beloved book across their laps. "They used a dangerously high voltage, and there's no telling how much they shocked her. All we know is that she was with them for hours."

Dr. Whale didn't look at all concerned, but Dr. Hopper did. He flicked through his notes. "She's having trouble recalling much of anything that happened before she woke up in your apartment."

"So it's all just gone?" Emma asked, turning from the window.

"It may be possible for her to regain some of her memory with therapy and support at home," Archie said. "She's been through a lot, but if there's one thing we know about Regina, it's that she's certainly resilient."

There was silence for a moment, and Emma caught a glance shared between her parents. "This could be an opportunity," Snow said quietly. "If she can't remember the past, she won't be dangerous anymore. We could be selective about what we let her know."

Archie looked distinctly uncomfortable at the suggestion but said nothing. It was Emma who had to step in, joining their little circle for the first time. "You can't just change her. Not one of us has the right to pick and choose memories for her."

"But she wouldn't have to remember all the pain," Snow said, the false concern in her eyes only strengthening Emma's resolution.

"Henry already lost one parent today, and now you want to turn Regina into a different person? He deserves to have his _real_ mother."

"You're his real mother," Snow replied softly.

Emma stalked away towards the window again. She knew that no matter what she said, they would fight her. She could say that she was in no way ready to be Henry's only parent, but Snow and Charming would only point out that they would be there to help. She leaned her forehead against the glass, emotion tangling in her throat as she watched the two together.

"It's for the best," Charming said, coming forward to place a hand on Emma's shoulder. "It's for the good of the whole town. You're the savior, Emma. You have to think about what will keep us all safe."

Emma pulled away from him roughly, glaring up at him. "I'm not your savior, and I don't give a damn about what's best for the town." She stabbed a finger at the glass. "I care about what's best for that kid in there. He is the only one I have any sort of obligation to." She strode into the room, startling both Henry and Regina. "We're leaving," she announced.

"Did they find out what's wrong with Mom?" Henry asked, stuffing his book into his backpack. Regina got up slowly, each movement ginger.

"We'll talk about it when we get home," Emma said, trying her best to smile for both her worried son and a bewildered Regina. She put one hand on the small of Regina's back and one on Henry's shoulder as they left the room, steering them quickly past the group of people calling her name. She got them both into the back seat of her car and sped away from the hospital as fast as she dared.

"Which home are we going to?" Henry asked as Emma approached an intersection.

The blonde was driving towards the apartment almost automatically, but Henry's question reminded her that she didn't want to hang around with her parents. She turned the wheel sharply, tires screeching on the pavement, and headed instead towards Regina's house.

"Glad to see the Sheriff setting such a good example," Regina said dryly as horns blared around them.

Emma couldn't help glancing over her shoulder, stunned. It was the first thing Regina had said that sounded remotely like the old her.

"Emma!" Henry yelled, and the blonde looked forward just in time to swerve out of the way of an oncoming car. She forced herself to slow down as they turned onto Mifflin Street.

"I just got out of the hospital, Miss Swan," Regina said. "I have no intention of going back."

Emma came to an abrupt stop in the driveway, turning around to look at Regina again once she'd turned off the car. "You sound like yourself again," she said. "Are you remembering things?"

The expression on the brunette's face wasn't Regina at all. There was too much uncertainty. "I was frightened," she replied. "It brought things back."

Henry scrambled out of the car and went to open the front door. Emma stayed put, and Regina stilled her hand on the door handle. "I'm sorry I scared you," the blonde said softly.

"I haven't felt anything but scared all day," Regina added with a small smile.


	2. Up in Flames

**A/N: Thanks for all the love so far! I'm glad other people are excited about this idea.**

**Keep the tissues handy. I'm pretty sure this is the saddest thing I've ever written, and I'm a glutton for punishment as it is.**

* * *

Emma pulled the covers up over her head at the sound of the shrill alarm. Leave it to Regina to have an alarm loud enough to wake the whole house at whatever ungodly hour this was. She shut her eyes tightly, trying to force herself back to sleep, but the alarm kept ringing.

Henry burst through the door, yelling her name and bringing the smell of something burning with him, and Emma shot up, finally realizing that this was no alarm clock. She grabbed her phone from the bedside table and thrust it into Henry's hands, running with him towards the stairs. "It's Mom's room," he said, and Emma could see smoke pouring through the slightly open doorway.

"Get out of the house and call for help," Emma ordered, lingering at the top of the stairs until Henry disappeared from sight. She raced into Regina's room, coughing with eyes watering from all the smoke. The bed was on fire, and the flames were licking their way towards the rest of the room.

Regina was standing in the bathroom doorway as if paralyzed, her nightgown slightly singed. She just stared at the blonde with wide eyes and lips slightly parted until Emma's hand was on her arm. "This happened before," she said, realization dawning on her. "There was a fire, wasn't there?"

"That sounds like a fantastic conversation to have outside." Emma yanked at Regina roughly until the brunette began moving on her own. They hurried out the front door and met a small, pale Henry at the end of the driveway. "Are you okay?" she asked, crouching down to Henry's level to look him over. "Did you call?"

The boy nodded silently, staring up at the house.

"Do you know what happened?" Emma stood again to look at Regina.

"I was asleep," Regina replied, looking bewildered.

They could finally hear the sirens approaching, all three watching in pajamas and bare feet as the firefighters hurried about their tasks. Emma's parents showed up as a medic was tending to Regina's few minor burns. The blonde ushered a sleepy Henry into their car, trying and failing to answer all of the frantic questions thrown at her. She had no idea, none at all, how any of this had happened. Regina was the only one who might, and she looked completely overwhelmed. Emma finally managed to shoo her parents away and make her way back to the brunette.

Regina was sitting at the back of the ambulance with her bare legs dangling down, a coarse blanket hugged tightly around her shoulders. She took in Emma's tank and shorts and offered up a corner. "Cold?"

Emma climbed up to sit beside her and accepted. She refrained from asking about the fire, sure that the emergency squad had already asked more than enough questions. "You remember the fire in Town Hall?" she asked instead.

Regina brightened a little at that. "I remember that there was a fire and you saved me," she said. "But I was angry with you. I can't imagine why."

Emma smiled. "We really didn't like each other back then."

"But we became friends?"

The blonde was tempted to say yes, to give the easy answer, to avoid having a serious conversation in the back of an ambulance in the middle of the night. But she had to be honest. She couldn't whitewash the truth the way her parents wanted. "Not really," she said, meeting Regina's confused gaze. "We don't fight as much as we used to, but I don't think you like me very much."

"Then why are you here?" Regina pulled her side of the blanket tighter around herself.

"I like you sometimes," Emma said honestly.

Regina looked down at her lap, smoothing out the silk of her nightgown. "I think I like you sometimes, too."

"We try to work together for Henry," Emma added. "You adopted him when he was a baby, and I'm his birth mother."

"Oh." Regina considered that for a moment. "I guess that explains things."

"He's what we fight about and what we agree about." Before Emma could say more, they were interrupted by a firefighter with a brief report of the damage. Regina's room was in bad shape, but the rest of the house was sound. Emma escorted Regina back inside as the emergency crew left, heading for the study.

Regina sat gingerly on the edge of one of the chairs while Emma flopped down on the couch. "I had a bad dream," the brunette said softly, studying her hands. "I woke up and my hands were on fire, but they didn't burn. I thought I was still dreaming but then the fire was everywhere."

Emma rolled on her side to face Regina. "You can do magic. You make fireballs when you're in a fight."

"Magic?" Regina turned her hands over, her expression between confused and horrified.

"My feelings exactly." Emma yawned but resisted the urge to close her eyes. "What did you dream about?"

Regina let her hands fall back into her lap, her already pale face going whiter. "That man, hurting me," she whispered. "The look in his eyes when he pushed all those buttons, and the pain, and the screaming. I thought I was going to die, but it wouldn't stop. It just wouldn't stop." A tear slipped from her eye, and Emma hated herself for asking. And for not saving her sooner.

The blonde patted the space between her and the edge of the couch. "Come here. Let's try to get some sleep."

"I'd better not," Regina said, teary eyes wide as she looked at Emma. "I might start another fire."

"You'll feel better," Emma promised, although the words felt empty. Still, Regina reluctantly curled up next to her. The blonde drifted off to sleep almost immediately, her exhaustion from the day before compounded by the late-night emergency.

Regina waited until the other woman was asleep before she let herself sob.

* * *

Regina woke with a start to find Henry standing over her, and it took her a moment to remember to breathe again. She got up carefully to avoid disturbing Emma, but the blonde was so far gone that there wasn't much of a chance of anyone waking her. Regina followed Henry to the kitchen, heart pounding.

She hadn't dreamed again, but seeing someone looming over her like that brought the torture back once again.

"I thought you were somewhere else," she said weakly.

Henry threw his arms around her waist, nearly causing Regina to stumble backwards. "I couldn't sleep, so I came home."

"By yourself?" Regina had no idea how old her son was, but he certainly didn't look old enough to be walking around by himself in the middle of the night.

"I needed you," he mumbled into the silk of her nightgown, and she could feel tears through the fabric.

Regina gently pulled his arms from around her and led him to the table, sitting in a chair beside his. "What's wrong?" she asked feebly. She wanted so badly to give the boy what he needed, but she had no idea what that was. "Should I get Emma?"

"It'll make her too sad." Henry inched his chair closer to his mother's, and Regina reached out instinctively for his hand. "My dad died yesterday. She probably didn't tell you."

"I'm really sorry, Henry."

The boy noticed the confusion in her eyes. "He was my birth father. You didn't really know him much."

"Oh." Regina was glad to know that this wasn't some forgotten husband, at least. She let Henry climb into her lap as if he was a much smaller child. "What can I do?"

"I just needed my mom," he admitted with a sheepish smile. Regina closed her arms around him, bringing one hand up to cradle his head.

"Can you tell me what I did to make you feel better?" she asked meekly.

"When I was little you'd always tell me stories to take my mind off whatever was making me sad."

"I'm sorry, Henry," she replied, tightening her grip. "I don't know any stories. Not anymore."

Henry nodded, breaking into tears again. "I don't want to lose you, too."

Regina's own eyes clouded with tears. "I love you," she whispered into his hair. "I remember that much."

They sat in silence for a moment, Henry crying and Regina looking towards the doorway, wishing Emma would appear. But Henry had come to _her_, woken _her_. The realization made her ache and filled her with a strange sort of joy as well. She clung to this child, _her_ child.

"Would you tell me a story?" she asked when Henry's sobs grew quieter and fewer. "Maybe it will help me remember. Or help you forget."

Henry nodded, drawing back enough that he could see Regina's face in the darkened room. "Once upon a time…"


	3. Helpless

**A/N: I'd love to hear thoughts about other characters to bring in or particular parts of Regina's life that you'd like to see! I know where this is going to end up, but I'm still trying to decide what memories to bring back when. This story is really hard to write, but I'm loving it so far.**

* * *

Conversation in the diner was hushed, everyone casting wary glances towards the booth in the back. There was no conversation at all in that booth as Emma, Regina, and Henry ate breakfast, all too tired to attempt talking. Emma couldn't imagine what they'd talk about, anyway. Nothing about the past 24 hours lent itself to small talk.

It was Regina who finally spoke up once she set down her fork. "Thank you, Henry. The apple pancakes are delicious."

"They're your favorite." They shared tentative smiles across the table.

Emma added her own worn smile, glad to see Regina being more responsive to their son. She still had no idea how or why Henry was there when she woke, but he was his usual optimistic self when he loaded up his backpack with photo albums and childhood mementos. "You guys should probably get going," she said, glancing at the bulky bag that separated her from Henry. "I'll be here. Call if you need me."

Henry grabbed his bag and then Regina's hand. The woman glanced over her shoulder at Emma, looking nervous.

"Good luck," Emma said softly. "I'm right here."

She watched them go, Henry tugging Regina along as they crossed the street and headed into Dr. Hopper's office. She couldn't help a smirk at Regina's appearance. The brunette's wardrobe had been destroyed in the fire, so Emma had done her best to cobble together something from her own closet. The shirt looked fine, seeing as it had been Regina's to begin with, but it looked ridiculous tucked into a pair of too-long yoga pants.

"You'd better hope she doesn't get her fashion sense back first," Ruby said as she slid into the booth across from Emma. "She'll kill you."

Emma rolled her eyes, not noticing as the voices in the diner grew louder. What she did notice was Leroy coming up to the side of her table and slamming his hands down so hard that the empty plates jumped.

"Easy on the china," Ruby said, beginning to stack the plates.

"You're putting us all in danger," Leroy said, other customers hushing again as they noticed the confrontation. "She should be locked up, not the people who did this to her. We need to get rid of her while she's weak."

Emma gave him a tired glance. "Regina is the victim here, Leroy."

"We're all going to be the victims if you tell her who she is." He drew himself up to his full height, grateful that Emma was seated so he could meet her eye to eye. "We've already been the victims. She's a monster."

Before Emma could sputter that Regina wasn't a monster, Ruby cut in. "There's only one thing that's more dangerous than a monster," she said gravely. "And that's a monster who doesn't know her own power. She accidentally set her own house on fire last night."

"All the more reason to lock her up!"

Ruby rose to her feet, glaring down at him. "Then lock me up, too. How am I any different?" She stormed back towards the kitchen, and Emma pushed past Leroy to follow her. Ruby dumped the dishes in the sink and fussed with them, making a lot of noise but not getting much of anything done.

Emma leaned against the counter, waiting until Ruby calmed down. "Thank you. Good to know somebody has my back."

"A lot of us do." Emma turned to see Belle come in from the diner, drawn by the commotion. "Well, maybe not a _lot_, but at least the two of us."

Emma gave her a faint smile. She hardly knew Belle and didn't particularly want to discuss something so sensitive with her, but Ruby instantly relaxed when she came in and that was enough.

"There's nothing worse than not knowing who you are," Belle added. "No one deserves that, not even Regina."

* * *

"This is Dr. Hopper," Henry said, still holding Regina's hand tightly. "And that's Pongo."

Regina glanced over at the Dalmatian before turning back to the therapist. "Hello, doctor."

"Please, call me Archie." He sat in his chair, and Henry tugged Regina over to the couch. "We've known each other for a long time as acquaintances, and I've counseled both you and Henry."

Regina nodded, looking warily over at the dog that Henry was calling over. "Do I like Pongo?"

"You pretend you don't," Henry said, scratching the dog's ears. "But I think you really do."

Regina reached out tentatively, petting Pongo once before retreating. "Like Emma."

"Like a lot of people."

Regina laughed darkly, looking up at Archie again. "No wonder I'm in therapy."

"Well, today is just about trying to regain memories," he assured her. "When Emma called me this morning she said that a few recent things have already come back to you. So I thought we'd start with recent memories, and start with Henry, since he's the most important person in your life."

Regina nodded, and Henry began to pull things from his backpack. Regina sat up straight with her hands in her lap, watching quietly.

"We're going to be totally honest, okay?" Archie said to Henry. "Even about the bad stuff."

Regina flicked her gaze over to her son, trying to imagine what sorts of "bad stuff" there was between them, feeling guilty for things she didn't even know if she'd done.

* * *

Emma left the diner shortly after Granny shooed her and Belle away, scolding them for getting their "princess hair" in her food. Despite Ruby's promises that they'd been nowhere near the food, Belle retreated to the restaurant but kept up her flirting with Ruby over the counter. Emma sat in her car, in no mood to deal with the other patrons.

It was hours before she saw any sign of movement from Archie's office. She was exhausted from waiting, and she couldn't even begin to imagine how drained everyone inside must be.

Henry looked pretty glum when he emerged with Pongo on a leash, and Emma got out to walk with them, thankful for the distraction. "How's it going?" she asked as she fell into stride with him.

"Not well. She's not remembering." Henry didn't elaborate.

Emma ruffled his hair lightly. "Are you doing okay, kid?"

"No," he admitted.

Emma sighed. "Me neither." She watched Henry's face, his whole body intent on the simple task of walking the dog, because it was the only thing that was manageable. "You're being really strong for your mom. Really brave." She stopped him and Pongo and turned Henry to face her. "You don't have to be strong for me, okay?"

Henry took a few steps forward and hugged her. "She doesn't remember me at all."

"It's going to take some time." Emma crouched down like she always saw Regina do when talking to Henry. "But I promise we're going to get your mom back." The words were bitter in her mouth. A lie, or at best a false promise.

"Can we use magic?"

Emma frowned at that. With Regina out of commission, she was left with only Mr. Gold and Blue, and she didn't trust either of them. Gold probably wouldn't want to help her, anyway, and the fairy was sure to be one of those who saw Regina's amnesia as a blessing. "We're going to try the old fashioned way first, but I'll look into it."

* * *

"Why don't we talk about the dream you had last night?"

Regina kept her eyes on the album in her lap, preferring all the tiny smiling Henrys to Archie's question. "I don't want to."

"You've been through some serious trauma, Regina." She could tell the therapist was leaning closer to her. "It's important that you process it."

Regina set the album down and picked up the next, ever stubborn. "I don't want to process it here and now." Or with you, she added silently. Archie was certainly kind, and he'd handled both Mills' frustration well so far, but the vague feelings she could remember when he was around made it clear that she'd never trusted him.

"Regina…"

She opened the album to find the oldest pictures Henry had brought. Photos of him as a baby. One, only one, of her holding him. She bent over the picture, seeing the fear and joy in her own eyes. "I remember this," she whispered, as if speaking the words too loudly would break the spell. "I remember the day I got him." And she did remember: how he smelled, his weight in her arms, how helpless she'd felt the first time he cried. She remembered buying that onesie with the frogs on it and fighting his little arms into the sleeves. She remembered how helpless she'd felt when _she_ cried after he'd fallen asleep.

There were so many years she still couldn't remember, so many pictures she couldn't place, but he settled heavily into her heart, the love and pain so much bigger than she'd gotten a glimpse of the day before.

"Thank you, doctor." She ran past an astonished Archie and down the stairs, still holding the album in her hands. Henry and Emma were standing with the dog on the sidewalk, and Regina dropped the book as she approached and scooped her son up with a strength she didn't know she had. "Henry," she whispered, holding him tight against her.

"Mom?"

She kissed his cheek, hard, and then let him down. The idea that she'd forgotten who he was seemed impossible now. How could she, when he was the only thing that mattered?

Emma picked up the leash and the album, leaving Regina and Henry together as she returned Pongo to his owner. On the way up the stairs, she opened the album, gasping at the pictures of Henry taken so shortly after she'd said goodbye to him.

"Do _you_ need to talk?" Archie asked from his doorway as Pongo bounded into the office and Emma paused on the picture of Regina and Henry.

"No time," Emma said, taking Henry's backpack which Archie had restuffed. "Regina's good?"

"She remembers adopting Henry. I don't know how much else." Still, Archie smiled. Emma did, too, but at the picture. "Don't be afraid to come to me if you need help, Emma."

She shouldered the bag and hugged the album to her chest. "I'm fine, I promise." She wasn't, but she'd been through so much therapy in the foster system, in jail, and even after that. She knew it didn't work for her.

"You aren't going to be much help to Henry and Regina if you're not taking care of yourself," he warned.

Emma sighed dramatically. "Listen, Archie, I just want to get my family and go home." That word rang out in her mind as she made her way back down the stairs. _Family_. She could feel Archie's eyes on her, but she shrugged them off as the door closed behind her.


	4. Sounds Like Us

"We used to do things like this when I was little," Henry said as he placed the last pepperoni.

"Cooking?" Regina slid the pizza into the oven. It wasn't much – Emma had bought all of the ingredients premade – but since Regina apparently hadn't written down a recipe in her life, it was the best they could do.

"No," Henry said, leaning against the island in almost the same position as Emma. "Laughing. Having fun."

Regina just stared at him for a moment. What little she could remember of him was full of smiles and laughter, and having the illusion snatched away from her broke her heart. "Why did we stop?"

Henry concentrated on picking at the leftover shredded cheese to avoid looking up at either mother. "I started asking questions that you didn't want to answer, and you started lying to me."

"I… I'm sorry." Regina looked in Emma's direction to see the blonde watching her with concern. As their eyes met, Emma offered Regina a small, pained smile and a slight shrug of her shoulders.

The other memories had come back in trickles, but this one came in a single burst. Emma, with that same smile and same movement, standing on the front walk. More than anything, Regina had been terrified, but there was relief at the same time, and curiosity, and she'd been just a little bit drunk. She wanted to crush Emma's heart between her bare fingers, but she also felt like she'd die if she didn't touch her. She took Emma inside, still undecided, and then kicked her out before she tried either option. She checked for Henry, who was thankfully fast asleep in his bed, and then she went back to her own room and took a shower to try to clear her head. And she cried, because her perfect world was already starting to collapse.

"Regina?" Emma herself brought Regina back to the kitchen, back to the present moment.

There were so many questions Regina wanted to ask, but she couldn't voice them. Instead, she clung to the kitchen counter until Emma gently pulled her away and guided her to one of the chairs. She held onto the blonde's hand long after she sat, desperate for anything solid and real.

"Are you okay?" Emma used her free hand to tilt Regina's face up towards hers.

Regina swallowed hard, holding Emma's gaze for a long motion before closing her eyes. "I don't remember what okay feels like."

* * *

Emma and Henry finished the dishes, the boy glancing up at her from time to time. Emma had sent Regina up to the guest room after she'd been swamped with the overwhelming memory. The blonde and her son had eaten almost without talking.

"Do you think I said too much?" Henry asked, drying off the pizza tray. "I was just trying to be honest."

"It's hard to know, kid. Your mom's had a really complicated life. It's going to hurt to get it back." Emma's hands were deep in the soapy water, so she nudged Henry with her elbow, unable to give him any other kind of reassuring contact. "I don't know how she's going to handle all the Evil Queen stuff, or how we're going to explain it."

"I could have her read my book," Henry said with the old pep in his eyes, glad to have a plan.

"Yeah, because that worked _so_ well on me." She nudged him again, and Henry shoved back with both hands.

"But she _knows_ it's true deep down inside. We just have to help her remember, just like we did the first time." He shrugged, face going serious again. "Like with Graham."

Emma dried off her hands and emptied the sink. "But that was different. He kissed me and suddenly he remembered things."

Henry hadn't heard that part of the story. Somehow, despite his penchant for spying, he'd never found out about all the things that went on between the late sheriff and his mothers. "Are you going to kiss my mom?" He scrunched up his nose at that thought.

"No, Henry," she said with a sigh. "I'm not going to do anything she wouldn't want. She's different than Graham, because he at least knew who he was in one world."

"And what about using magic to get her memories back?"

Emma ran a hand through her hair, trying to hide her desperation. She was starting to understand why he and Regina had been at each other's throats for so many years. He was incessant, and Regina, like Emma, had so many walls and so little patience. "Why don't you go do whatever in your room? I'm going to see how your mom's doing."

He followed tight on her heels as she went up the stairs. "You said you'd look into magic."

Emma couldn't hold back her groan of frustration this time. "When exactly did you expect me to pop by the library when I've been feeding you and cleaning up and trying to find someone to fix the fire damage? Plus trying to keep all three of us from having a meltdown."

"She has a whole bunch of books on magic in her study."

"Henry." Her voice was harsher than she intended. "_Please_ just cut me some slack. I've never been good at taking care of people, and now there's two of you and I have the whole town breathing down my neck. I just need a fucking moment to think. God. If you can't give me some space I'm going to send you to your grandparents'."

She regretted everything she'd said as soon as she said it, but before she could apologize or take it back Henry slammed the door to his room behind him. She paced back and forth in the hallway, not letting the tears come.

"Emma?" After a few minutes, Regina appeared in the doorway.

The blonde paused to look at her. "You were right all along. I don't know the first thing about being a mother. I can't do this by myself."

Regina took a few steps back, nodding for Emma to follow her and closing the door to the guest room behind them. Emma stretched out on the bed and Regina sat next to her. "When he was a baby, I felt the same way. I picked up the phone a million times to get someone to help but I didn't want anyone to see me vulnerable, so only Henry did. I cried the whole time I gave him his first bath because I was so worried I'd hurt him."

Emma stared up at the ceiling, and while she didn't acknowledge the story verbally she let go of the tears she'd been holding back. Regina took her hand, intertwining their fingers.

"Tonight when we were making the pizza I remembered the moment I met you," Regina offered, finally getting Emma to turn her head and look at her.

"Do you remember how much you hate me now?" Emma raised their joined hands with a weak smile.

"I don't think I ever hated you all the way through." Regina relaxed down into the mattress until she was side by side with the blonde. "The feelings are really confusing."

"Sounds like us." Emma gave Regina's hand a squeeze.

"Did we ever…" Regina started, regretting the question before she could complete it. She turned her head to face the blonde when she began, and the wind went out of her.

"We've only ever been friends, and even that's a bit of a stretch." Emma had wanted more than that for months now, but she was sure that Regina didn't agree. Whatever the brunette had recalled from their first meeting was only half the truth. This Regina didn't yet have the resentment with which she'd always regarded Emma. She'd learn soon enough that she didn't want her reviled Miss Swan anywhere near her or their son.

Emma told herself it was for Henry's sake that she wished Regina could stay like this forever. She had no walls up now. She was somehow the kind of woman who would rub soothing circles on the back of Emma's hand with her thumb.

"Am I in love with someone else, then?" Regina wondered out loud.

Both women looked up at the ceiling rather than at each other. "You've been alone for over a year, unless you're being sneaky again." Emma stole a glance out of the corner of her eye and was rewarded with Regina's smile. "You had a lover, Graham, but he died. And you were married before that, but I don't know the details."

The vast empty space in her life before Henry had been troubling Regina all day. How could she understand her recent past without knowing her childhood? Without knowing that she'd been married? "Is there somebody who does?"

Emma sighed, rolling onto her side to fully face Regina. "Yes, but I don't know if I can convince her to talk about it." The brunette turned her head towards the other woman, and Emma smiled apologetically. "I never asked you to tell me your story when I had the chance, and I'm really sorry for that."

"You're here now," Regina said, squeezing Emma's hand. "I know I have about the same memory span as a goldfish, but at the moment that matters most."


	5. Miss Swan

**A/N: I've been on a roll writing this, but it's really exhausting to do, so things might slow down for a bit. Plus I have a lot of real world work I need to get done. Thanks for your patience!**

* * *

Emma didn't sleep, didn't even bother trying. Once Regina fell asleep, the blonde crept downstairs to the study and got the handful of books on magic. She sat in the upstairs hallway to read them, leaning against the expanse of wall between Henry's room and the guest room. She flipped through the pages, not finding anything about memory. The words started to swim on the page, but whether that was magic or just her tired eyes she wasn't sure.

Before she could make up her mind to give up for the night and sleep, she heard Regina cry out and rushed into the room, catching the brunette's hands in hers before she could start another accidental fire. "Regina," she said once the other woman had calmed slightly, letting go of her hands and giving her shoulders a gentle shake.

Regina opened her eyes and lifted her hands to her forehead, covering the blisters on her temples with her palms. "It hurts," she whispered in as small a voice as Emma could imagine coming from the usually powerful woman.

"For real, or in the dream?" Emma pried one of Regina's hands away and turned on the light, bending close to take a look at the mark.

Regina considered. "In the dream."

Emma brushed her thumb lightly over the reddened spot, and Regina flinched. "Greg and Tamara are locked up. They're not coming back for you, I promise."

"I wasn't supposed to survive this. They made that very clear." Regina turned her head when prompted so that Emma could see the other side. "They took everything from me."

"They didn't take anything we can't get back." Emma turned off the light and surrendered, slipping under the covers beside Regina. "But I will gladly beat them up for you if that helps things."

Regina laughed at that but then shook her head. "I don't want them near anyone I care about."

"Anyone you care about?" Emma smiled in the dark. "You're going to be so embarrassed in a day or two when you remember how much you hate me."

"Why?" Regina rolled on her side to face the blonde. "Why do I hate you?"

"I challenged your authority, ruined your relationship with your son, accused you of crimes you didn't commit." Emma left out the curse, definitely not awake enough to get into that. "Plus you hate my attitude and my clothes and my car."

"It sounds like I'm the one who ruined things with Henry, not you."

"I certainly didn't help matters."

Regina was quiet for a long moment, and Emma almost wondered if she'd fallen back to sleep. "I don't hate your jacket, you know," she mused. "The one the day we met, the red one. It suits you."

Emma couldn't help grinning at that. "Is this old Regina talking, or amnesia Regina?"

"I _always_ liked your jacket." Regina shifted onto her back and closed her eyes. "But I have hated your car from day one, Miss Swan, and I can't believe I've been letting you drive me around in it."

Emma settled in to sleep. "And I always hated how you'd call me 'Miss Swan,' until I realized how much I missed it."

"Goodnight, Miss Swan," Regina said, but the laughter in her voice made the name sound completely different.

"Goodnight, Madame Mayor," Emma replied.

* * *

Emma tried to keep her voice low despite her frustration, knowing all too well how the open floor plan of the loft let sound travel. Regina was sitting at the table with her hands folded in front of her, trying not to listen. "I know that you don't approve of what I'm doing," Emma whispered to Snow in the corner by the bed. "But you're the only one who can fill in the details."

Snow pulled Emma into a careful embrace. "I want to help you," she said, grateful that the blonde didn't pull away. "This is reckless, but it's the right thing, and I know it's important to you."

"So you'll talk to her?" Emma sank into the hug the way she never did, just grateful for any kind of support.

"All I can give her are her most painful memories," Snow said, glancing over at the woman at the table. "I don't want to be cruel."

Emma stepped back, looking at Regina sadly. "It's cruel either way."

Snow thought for a minute and then walked over to the table, Emma following close behind. "This isn't going to be easy," she told Regina as she sat down across from her. Regina shrugged, glancing up at Emma. Snow turned to look at the blonde as well. "You should go, Emma."

Emma grabbed hold of the back of the nearest chair. "I don't think you're both going to come out alive without some sort of a mediator."

Snow set her hand on top of Emma's. "I know things that Regina has never told anyone. I've broken her confidence before, but if I'm going to be a part of this I'm going to do it right. Her secrets stay between us."

Regina looked at Emma but not Snow, still not sure what she thought of the short-haired woman. Her gut reaction had been harsh, but she appreciated that Snow was willing to help, and that she cared about her privacy. But Emma's pale face and tired eyes were what pushed her to speak up. "You need a break," she insisted. "I trust you, and I'd let you stay, but Henry's off with that man," Charming's name totally escaping her, "and I'll be fine."

Emma doubted that anything that went on between Snow and Regina would be "fine," but she had no energy to fight, and those magic books to finish besides.

* * *

"Why, Miss Swan." Gold didn't look up, standing by a counter towards the back of the shop. "You must be truly desperate if you're coming to me."

The door closed behind Emma with a jingle of bells and she approached him, setting her hands flat on the glass counter and looking at him harshly. "You're going to help Regina," she said firmly. "I know you don't like her, and I know you don't like me. But you're going to do this for your grandson, because he already lost one parent this week."

Gold's eyes went soft for just a second at the mention of Neal before he hid the emotion. "And what exactly do you expect me to do?"

"I talked to the nuns. The fairies. Whatever." Emma sighed. "They said that magic can't help, that this is in the realm of science, but that can't be true."

"They do have a point." He strode towards the far end of the counter. "Magic can heal a broken arm or mend a cut, but if someone's bleeding to death it's not going to do much good. The damage is just too deep." He pulled up the dreamcatcher that Emma had used on Pongo and set it in front of the blonde. "You can't recall lost memories with this little trick, but you can use it to show Regina what others remember."

"There's nothing else? No black magic or whatever?"

"None that I've come across, but it's possible." Gold smirked. "The cost of dark magic is steep, Miss Swan."

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes," Emma said, picking up the dreamcatcher.

"Just be honest with yourself, Miss Swan." He reveled in her confused expression. "This is all for Henry, is it?"

Emma blinked at him a few times. "Yeah."

"The boy expects a lot of you, but he'll never forgive you if you resort to dark magic." Gold's smirk morphed into more of a sneer. "So before you do anything rash, admit to yourself why you're really doing this."

Emma froze for a second before throwing the dreamcatcher back down on the counter. "Forget it. I don't need you help."

"Magic is born of emotion, Miss Swan," Gold said as the blonde hurried out of the store and slammed the door behind her.


	6. Whole

**A/N: I wish I'd been able to include the conversation between Regina and Snow, but it was just going to be too heavy. So have this instead.**

* * *

Snow reached across the table as if to touch Regina but stopped just short of her. "Are you okay? What are you seeing?"

Regina was gasping for air. Snow had seen her in so many different kinds of pain so many times, but for the first time in years she was something like genuinely worried. "I didn't want that," the older woman cried between heaving breaths. "I didn't want that back."

Snow stood up, nearly knocking her chair over. She looked around frantically, as if there was anything in the apartment that could help her. "Regina," she begged weakly, "please calm down."

Regina regained control of her breathing, but still looked horrified. Snow lingered awkwardly over her, and she'd never been more thankful than when the door opened and Emma walked in. Regina, it seemed, was just as glad to see her, getting up as the blonde approached and throwing her arms around Emma's neck.

Emma touched a hand lightly to Regina's back, looking past her at Snow. "What's going on?" she asked as calmly as she could manage. She didn't want to accuse Snow of causing this, but Regina was so worked up that she couldn't help jumping to conclusions.

"I was trying to help her remember our world, places and such," Snow said. "And then I told her the story about how we met and it was going really well, and she was able to fill in parts on her own. And then," Snow gestured helplessly, "this."

Emma had to look away as a single infuriating tear rolled down Snow's cheek, as if she was the one who had something to cry about. She gently peeled Regina away from her, keeping hands at her waist to hold her steady. "Hey. Talk to me."

"Is this about Daniel?" Snow asked, hovering closer and earning a glare from Emma.

"She was a monster," Regina practically growled.

"Snow was?" Emma asked, cautious.

"My mother." And then the sobs overtook her, wracking her body, and Emma drew her closer again. "I tried so hard to forget the things she did. Daniel…" Her voice broke at the name as his significance registered. "Daniel wasn't the worst of it."

"Maybe we should call Archie?" Snow suggested.

"I just want to go home." She sounded just like a child, like Henry when he was tired and stubborn.

"Okay. We're gonna go home." When Snow gave her an almost hurt look, Emma quickly corrected herself. "I'm gonna take you home."

Regina released her and headed towards the door, taking deep breaths to compose herself before going out in public.

"I'm sorry," Snow said to nobody in particular, sinking back down into a chair.

Emma shrugged in her mother's direction before following Regina down the stairs to the yellow Beetle waiting outside. The blonde opened the door for the brunette and Regina sank down into the seat, her breathing quickening again. Emma crouched down on the curb next to the open door, studying her with worried eyes. "Oh, Regina," she said softly, trying to smile for her.

"When they tied me down and said nasty things and tortured me," Regina said, not looking at Emma beside her. "It was like I could feel her there. I could hear her laughing. She used to tie me down like that sometimes, to punish me. She said all those terrible things and when she hurt me," Regina turned to seek out Emma, "when she hurt me it was so much worse, because at least with Greg and Tamara I knew they would let me die."

Emma took Regina's face in her hands, resting an index finger over each blister. "She's gone, Regina. She's dead. And I'd kill her a million times over if I could." It was a small gesture, she knew, but Emma stared into Regina's teary eyes and channeled all the love she felt for her and healed the little red marks.

Regina closed her eyes, but when Emma tried to remove her hands she caught her by the wrists and held her in place. "_I'm_ not gone," she said so quietly that Emma had to lean in to hear her. "When she used torment me I wanted death more than anything in the world. But this time even though it hurt and even though I lost so much I wanted to fight back."

"Well, you have Henry now." Emma swiped at a few falling tears with her thumbs.

Regina looked at Emma again, blinking her wet lashes. "I knew no matter what happened to me he'd have you. You're a good mother, as much as you try to deny it."

Emma smiled faintly. "The important thing is that he still has both of us."

"You did magic." Regina squeezed Emma's wrists lightly.

The blonde shrugged. "It wasn't much."

"I felt it. It brought things back." Something lightened in Regina's eyes, a glimmer of hope amidst all the pain. "It doesn't all make sense but I remember you. So many things about you."

Emma tilted her head to the side, studying Regina's expression. "Everything?"

"How would I know?" Regina gave her a smile, a real one, the kind that transformed every inch of her expression. "It feels whole. It feels complete."

Regina let go of Emma, but the blonde kept her hands in place, shining her own hope back. "Do you need to get out of my deathtrap?"

"It's not much of a threat in park." The brunette reached for Emma, brushing fingers against her cheek and then resting her hand on the nape of the blonde's neck. Without a word, she leaned forward and tugged Emma towards her. "May I?"

"I don't want you to do something…" Emma started, but Regina cut her off.

"There are still missing pieces, but I remember when I saw you last before all this, when we were sitting on those benches by the docks." Regina could feel Emma relax just that tiny bit. "I found you there for a reason."

"Besides berating me?"

Regina gave an exaggerated sigh, and her eyes went fully Madame Mayor, powerful and alluring and just slightly bitchy. "Do you _ever_ stop talking, Miss Swan?"

"Maybe," Emma breathed, moving up and claiming Regina's lips. She could feel a surge of energy, like when she'd kissed Graham that one time, but more so. But she was in no hurry to stop, and when she eventually did she found herself halfway into the car, over Regina.

Regina tucked her head into Emma's neck and stayed like that, soft little gasps returning.

"What are you remembering?" Emma asked, stroking Regina's hair with one hand while holding her close with the other.

"Everything," Regina replied, emphasizing each word. "I'm the Evil Queen."

Emma drew back, even though that left her in an uncomfortable position between Regina's knees and the dashboard. "Not to me. You're Regina to me."

Regina tugged the blonde back in for another kiss. Emma climbed up onto the seat, straddling Regina's lap more for comfort than anything else, but she couldn't deny that she liked it. Or that she liked pressing Regina back into the headrest, giving herself more leverage to kiss her. "Are you going to drive me home or not?" Regina asked even as she tightened her grip on Emma's hips. "If your mother attempts to leave her apartment she's going to find us making out in a car like teenagers."

Emma laughed. "Hey, if the cool kids are doing it…"

"We could at least switch to the Benz. It's classier." Regina glanced around them. "And cleaner."

Emma rolled her eyes but climbed off of Regina, closing the passenger door before running around to get in the driver's seat.

"Emma?" The blonde turned to look at Regina. "I really appreciate everything you've been doing for me. If I didn't before… I love you."

Emma started the car with a wide smile, pulling away from the curb before she reached for Regina's hand. "I love you, too."


	7. The Answers

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews/faves/follows. This was a really tough story to write, but I'm so happy with how it turned out. I so appreciate all the support.**

* * *

It was growing dark outside, and both women supposed that they should probably take Henry off of his grandparents' hands sometime soon. But neither had the heart to move, so neither mentioned it aloud.

Emma traced squiggly shapes on Regina's skin with one finger, her head fitted to the brunette's shoulder. For the first time since she'd found Neal in New York, she actually felt relaxed. For once it seemed as though things might turn out right. Sure, Henry was probably still mad at her, but she'd done it, hadn't she? She'd used magic, hardly knowing what she was doing, and brought back enough of Regina to lead to the kiss that restored the rest.

She didn't know what to make of the kiss, whether it was all that true love nonsense or just some special Savior power, but she was too happy to care. Regina was back, the old Regina, even though her experiences had made her a little softer. But Emma was softer, too, now that they'd been vulnerable together.

They'd spent all afternoon and all evening in the guest room bed, trying to make up for all of the time they'd wasted. Emma had finally asked Regina all her questions, gotten her side of the story, and she'd been forthcoming in return. They'd swapped Daniel and Neal, marriage and prison, terrible mother and terrible foster families.

And then there had been the moments when no words were exchanged at all, when they simply explored each other's bodies, finally giving in to all of the things they'd been wanting for months. Despite how it had started, Emma was certain that this was the best day of her life.

"I'm so glad you're here," the blonde whispered in a quiet moment, reveling in the light touch of Regina's fingers on her bare back.

Regina just kissed her, and kissed and kissed her, and as they tangled in each other once again they made a silent agreement that Henry could spend the night with his grandparents, because they had no intentions of leaving this bed.


End file.
